wooT

okay, appologizing for the past...uh, i dont know... year? okay, i'm not really appologizing for what i said, just the way i said it. wrong i know, how i felt, right... at least for me. i guess i needed that stretch to tell me what i need in life, and how i need to find it. and of course... silly me, answer right in front of my face........ GOD. Gosh, i'm such a dork. so, i was reading James the other day... wednesday morning.... for some reason i was thinking about CCC this past summer, and i remembered the bible verse i read on the longest day of my life.... and i remembered how that verse made me feel after i read it. and it was like..... BOOM right in my chest. it was like, God saying.... "hey, i want you to go through this now.... not later.... you wont come back to me if i do this to you later, specially not next year" and i started thinking about me going to college, and i thought about what has been happening in my life for the past year. and slowly but surely, i've doubted more and more, and i've slowly read less and less of my bible until it hit me that for about the past 2 months, i havent even touched my bible. i havent even brought it to church until last week. its been sitting under the seat in the car..... and the fact that for a month i havent shown up to church. and the fact that i'm glad we didnt have youth for the past two weeks, because i've deliberatly asked to be schedueled, so i had an obligation as to why i couldn't go. but there wasn't any youth... so my plan failed for me.... but worked out in the end.... i guess? anyway.... so backing up a bit. so i was reading this verse in james, and its about persistance. and it was like, i'm running a race.... and i HATE running. but it was how brett put it. and then i was talking to Edwin after youth, and he was just saying how he needed to hear that. and i just started thinking about in less than 5 months, i'm no longer going to be a youth. i'm no longer going to be able to have an affect on the people i'm around the most. but i think through this whole struggle that i've been having, with God, and with people. i KNOW its because someone said.... "Man, this girl needs some patience" because i DEFINATELY learned it this past year. i for sure know never to ask for patience, because htere is no way that this situation is happening to me again. no freakin way. but yeah. i think it hit home the most, when edwin said that to me.... because i've liked him for so long, and for him to have said that i helped him.... that mean SOOOOO much to me.... i dont think anyone has any idea.

on another note.... Mrs. Tere gave me her approval of Edwin. that makes me happy. she's the one i was most worried with. i dont know how brett, carrie, or anyone else feels. but mrs. tere has expressed that she like him, thats good, cus i do too. :) well see everyone tomorrow.... well today, if you want to be specific, but who wants to do that? well love everyone and i'm DEEPLY, DEEPLY SORRY. and i will tell you face to face at youth. or i'll write you a letter. because i might be too afraid. but i do love you!