yeah, its long, and its how i feel, get over it, or dont read it.

Okay...... this is my realization.............. dont make fun of me, or leave me comments of what i need to do or don't need to do, who i need to listen to, or who i dont... leave a comment of love, or support... don't put me down, and don't empathize, good chance that you have no idea what i really feel, or what i'm going through. don't tell me you know how i feel, because you dont.... now i can get on with my post.....
Okay, I'm a church girl at heart.
this i know for sure...
but i pretend... or don't even pretend anymore...
I dont like church... i dont like religion,
some people have driven me to the point of being agnostic.
i dont like people who are fake about being christian...
that's why i'm writing this post... so that everyone know's that i'm not going to pretend.
i dont like the people who show up to church just to be there...
be there to be there...
dont be there to waste time, because in essance... it wastes my time...
i dont really care who elses time you waste, but dont waste mine.
I'm tired of fake christians. Who you are know who you are...
and dont deny it anymore. fess up and make it known...
your time will come where you have to let your secrets out.
don't go on myspace and post stupid crap like "repost this within 10 mins and God will make a miracle in your life today"
read your bible and get enough facts not to repost that, because you have no idea who is or isn't a christian, but most of all, you have no idea who might be praying for a miracle to happen so that they don't kill themselves that night... they're not christian, they see that post, they repost it, then no miracle... then they hate and curse God because he didn't perform a miracle.....
all you people and you know who i'm talking about... shove it... wherever you want, but dont' post it
dont do what i've been doing for the past year or so,
by hiding behind a mask.
it's not worth it for you,
for the people you love,
and the people you may meet,
because then no one know's who you are, what you want, or anything.
I'm tired of fake fronts,
I'm tired of lies
I'm tired of corruption,
in the government, and in the church
I love life
I will live it to it's fullest
I won't be told i cant fly
because i have wings
I've never stretched my wings because i've had too many expectations on me..
my entire life.
I have humility
I'm showing it now
I'm posting everything that's wrong in my life...
i'm posting everything that bothers me.
I don't like games
and choose not to play...
especially the mind games that go on between friends.
I wont do what people expect me to,
i will do what i feel is right.
because in the end... it's the only way i cannot blame anyone else
dont blame other people for your faults
people know when you lie.
dont get drunk on saturday night... then show up to church on sunday
no one likes seeing someone who has a hangover.
Yes i've lied,
I'm paying for that mistake as we speak
I love leadership, and hope to be in a position one day.
that way i can fix what i feel is wrong.
no one believe's that i can achieve what i strive for.
i will show them they are wrong.
i will because i have will power.
i've been through more crap than i tell you.
no i wont tell you how many time's i've cried myself to sleep.
no i wont tell you how manytime's i've cried on the way home from my favorite place.... church.
no i wont tell you who you are... because you know.
this is not an attack on anyone in particular...
this is how i feel.
if you feel you need to comment,
read the first things i wrote... then think about it... then comment.
because right now, B.S. is not what i want to hear.
if you have a problem with that,
call me, you have my number,
if you don't then you have no reason to complain,
because obviously you dont know me that well then.
so once again,
shove it if you have a problem with reading this if you dont know who i really am.
thanks. and have a great new year.