well...

Today was ok, i got to sit in church today! yay. But for some reason it just wasnt the same. I just felt really distracted for some reason, like i'd start to daze off and think about like other things not related to church, i was just sittin there with a blank stare. i felt kinda bad, but there was really nothing i could do, but then like pastor steve would look at me and i'd be like "huh?" But its ok. i guess. I just wish things were like it was before Suzi left. Now I just feel like i dont belong, I wasnt really close to anyone but everyone was close to her, so when she left i was like wow. what am i supposed to do now. it just sucks cus i used to think that i was really close to alot of the people at church and realized that i was really only close to her. but its ok, hopefully i'm just crazy and missin her. Like today, i was invited to go out with the young adults, but it was so different, cus it used to be like Zack Josh Susie Me and we all got along really well, now like cus susie's gone, zack doesnt talk to me, i talk to josh sometimes, luke never talks to me, except on occasion, and Erik never comes. so its like, wow, where do i belong now. but whatever. life goes on. I kinda wish that young adults never left cus now its like all drama in youth group and it feels like there are people who come just so they dont sit at home, and thats ok, i just wish that people would start commiting themselves and applying themselves to the Lord instead of just bringing in drama and stupid stuff to a place where no one really wants to hear about "why you're not dating him, or she's not talking to me because i went out with her 2 ex boyfriend" crap. i'm so tired of it. I just wish that people would mature a little and just i dont know, dont bring more drama than we already have. ( sorry i'm writing alot, but i'm frustrated ) But sometimes i just look around and people talk and write notes, and sleep and stuff in church and youth group, and how can you call yourself a christian if you dont want to listen to what God has promised you? I mean, thats what life is all about, none of the boyfriends or girlfriends or whoever can give you eternal life, so why do they get involved in it if you wont get anything out of it. Its stupid. I just really want to see a change in our youth group and church to show that God is the reason we go, NOT for social gatherings and talking and stuff. sure you can and should get to know the people who you go to church with and love them and be friends with them, but go to church to learn about God. I mean, today in sunday school, it felt like me and brittney were the only ones who were awake, and i think all of us should apply ourselves a lot more than we have because it doesnt feel like we're a youth group anymore. and it bothers me. well thats all i'm gonna write today, maybe tomorrow i'll be a lil less frustrated and be able to write more sensible things.