Every now and again sometime's I get lost on the wind of a dream....
Work and school have taken over my life...Again.

:( Weekend's over): its okay, i'm okay with that, the leadership meeting at church was cool, i mean, stuff got accomplished. um, work was good tonight better than last night, last night, Brian didnt talk to me at all, and when the mention of his girlfriend came up he got pissed off at me... whatever, but then tonight, it was better, we both made a better effort at talking to eachother, and... I didnt get hit in the head with a spade! I'm just really sad that I dont get to talk to one of my best friends anymore because "college and work are so hectic". its okay though. well not much to talk about, just getting ready for the week ahead! everyone have an awesome week!

Senior Queen

Thats the quote that was written on my shirt as i walked into school for just 174 more days of school! all the senior girls had made teeshirts like that , and we all wore crowns, to signify our royalty. today its never been hotter than this, therefore, we're wearing our sunglasses. its gonna be hot. school was nice yesterday, i never realized how many people i knew that knew me too. i have a semi tough schedule this semester, AP Government, Honors Sociology, Fashion and Merchandising, and Honors Pre Calculus. okay, its not that bad, but it still sucks a lil, why is it i wait until my senior year to take hard classes? i should be taking my slacker classes now. but its okay. i'm excited for the weekend, cus that signifies sleep, even though i have to wake up early both days...eek, i'll nap though, cus i still haven't gotten off my summer schedule of never sleeping, so its kinda hard getting up early, but give me a few days, and it'll be all gravy. Well i'm glad that youth went so well on wednesday, it was completely awesome. I'm happy that these changes are going to make everyone be more accountable, and to just embrace the group. well gotsta go to school, see ya'll later!

I'm just a Barking Pig

Our youth group is a place of comfort right? A place we all come so we can hang out, and have a great time. Well that’s all good and gravy, but we’re not accomplishing anything if we’re not here for the right reasons. We all know that there’s clicks, clicks in school, and clicks at church. If you haven’t noticed, then one day, walk in slowly...a little late, and don’t try to be noticed. You can see that there are the groups that hang out together, the ones that don’t mean to exclude people, but it happens. And I’m not saying it’s bad to have you’re group of friends, or have your tight nit circle of friends that keep you accountable, but you have to be open for new people to come in. In romans 15:7 it says~accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. This meaning that we all have to accept each other to be able to praise god as god intended us to praise him, because in Matt. 18:20, it says~ for where two or three people gather in my name, there am I with them.We can’t form clicks because that’s not what God intended. He intended everyone to be accepted. Which leads me to my next points. Popularity and reputation. Everyone wants to be the cheerleader, the quarterbacks boyfriend, or part of that band... it doesn’t matter, because everyone wants to be part of the popular crowd, and if you don’t, you’re only fooling yourself. But usually the most popular kids are the ones who get themselves into the most trouble by going to this party with him, or dating her.... everything that you do represents your character, and your reputation. And then comes the factor of, well if I’m Christian, then I can’t have fun. That’s completely wrong. I know. All the kids in my culinary arts class laugh at me because I had on my absolute surrender bracelet, and someone asked me if I had gone clubbing the night before....and everyone just laughed, because they know I’m Christian, and they didn’t think I ever did anything fun. And I explained it to them. Then not even five minutes later, I was asked why Christians never had any fun. And I explained that Christian’s do have fun. We just do it in a different manner. We don’t have to drink or do drugs, or anything to have a good time. And then I was asked why Christians ignore other people that aren’t Christians, and my answer was...”We don’t, why would you think that” and he said, because you ignored me when you found out I drink and do drugs. And I looked around...and I have 2 real friends. One of them is my sister. And the other one is Katie. Both of them are hard core Christians, who I know wouldn’t ever experiment, or would try to get themselves into trouble. They don’t care if they’re popular, and don’t care if their reputation is being labeled “Christian” . And neither did Jesus, obviously. But Jesus went to dinner parties with the non believers, the sinners, and the leapers. Being Christian doesn’t mean that you can’t go out and have a good time, it’s about what you do with your time that counts. And your reputation is determined by your character. Jesus was more popular with the non believers, than he was with the believers, because most believer’s felt threatened by Jesus. They felt because he went out with the sinner’s, that he was blackening his reputation. And ruining his character. But he wasn’t. He was gaining the trust of non believers loving them the way that other people wouldn’t. Which is exactly what we need to do at church, at school, and everywhere else we go. We need to not be afraid to let other’s in, even non believers. To show them the love of Christ. To show them that Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven, and all of your reputation, popularity, and character, are determined in the manner that you do this. Don’t be like me, and then look back and regret that you weren’t friends with someone because they went to parties and did things that I didn’t do. Because now I have to earn back the trust of that person. I have to show them the love that I should have shown them when they told me they partied, because who knows...It could have been a cry for help. But I was too ignorant, and stubborn to look at it that way, I was looking at it like...well they’re going to try to corrupt my beliefs. Which, if I were strong enough in my faith, I would never have thought of that. I remember when Brittany sang the song “Awesome God” at one of the fund raiser’s we did in August, and I looked at the lyrics, and one of the lines says “and I want this world to see who you are, you are an awesome god, the only one, an awesome god you are. You’re an awesome god, the one that I sing of, an awesome god you are” and All of us in here talk about how we want this youth group to grow, how we want to go out and do things that contribute to the community. But our community starts here. We have to show the people who come here, who God is, we have to show people at school who God is, we can’t just expect people to know who God is. Especially if they don’t know. So I challenge you. Instead of closing your circle of friends to the one’s that you can trust. Let people you don’t trust into your circle. Show them love, and trust them and they’ll trust you and love you too. And it doesn’t matter what people think your reputation is. Because as long as your Character reflects God, then it doesn’t matter what your reputation, because people gossip, people lie, all to make themselves look better, when they’re jealous of you. And your reputation may be ruined, but when they realize that you don’t care because when you have God on your side, nothing else in the world matters

Grace is the unbelievable, un-asked-for gift of God when he looks at barking pigs like you and me and says, " I choose you."
Thats called grace, and the Bible tells us that the grace vof God is dangerous. Lavish. Excessive. God doesn't seem top be bvery careful about the people he calls his friends or the people he calls his church. His grace is ridiculously inclusive...
The religious leaders of his [Jesus'] day had written the script for the messiah. But they didn't understand that the bible they took their script from was actually the story of God's grace in one generation after another. When Jesus announced that he was this savior of the Jews, the religious leaders screamed at him, "there's no Jesus in the Messiah script! Messiahs don't hang out with losers. Our Messiah doesn't break the rules. Our Messiah doesn't question our leadership, or threaten our religion or act irresponsibly. Our Messiah doesn't destroy his reputation by hanging out with a riff-raff or spending his time in shady places."
Jesus' reply? This Messiah does!
can you see why the opportunity to follow jesus and find a new way to be human is called good news? It's an equal opportunity faith, open to all-in spite of the abundance of playwrights in the church who are anxious to announce, "There's no place for you if you wear an earring or have a tattoo, drink wine, ask too many questions, look weird, smoke, dance, haven't been "filled with the Spirit," aren't baptized, swear, have pink hair, are in the wrong ethnic group, have a nose ring, have had an abortion, are gay, or lesbian or too liberal." the Bible is full of changed people who changed the world around them, people who were prostitutes, murderers, cheaters and adulterers."
Jesus believed that Messiahs find places for people who have no place. He invited everyone he could find to have a relationship with him-from sleazy businessmen, terrorists,. dock workers, tax collector bullies, psychotics and deranged outcasts to the rich and over privileged eliet. Why God would want us, like us, seek us and pursue us is more than bewildering. It's the best news we could ever hear. The God of the universe likes us. The God of the universe likes us! He knows who we are. He's aware of our, uh, flaws.

I’ve missed my chance, I need reassurance.

And I know it wasn’t right, but it felt so good, and your mother didn’t mind like I thought she would, and an rem song was playing in my mind, and 3 ½ minutes, felt like a lifetime. You move like water, I could drown in you. I fell deep once, till you pulled me through. You tell me, no one is allowed to be so proud, they never reach out when they’re giving up. ~Better than Ezra.
I feel this appropriate right now…
Can I graduate?
Can I graduate?
Can I look at faces that I meet
Can I get my punk *** off the street
I’ve been living on for so long.
(can I graduate)
To the ******* talking down to me
Your whipping boy calamity
Cross your fingers, I’m going to knock it all down
(can I graduate)
Echo fading, we can’t let go
She goes walking by in slow~mo’
Sell your heart out for a buck
Go on, fade out, before I get stuck
Talking to somebody like you
Do you live the days you go through
Will this song live on long after we do
(can I graduate)
Can I look at faces that I meet
Can I get my punk *** off the street
Won’t die on the vine. I wanna knock it all down
(can I graduate)
Echo fading, candle blow
Did you flash out long ago
Cross my fingers, I don’t know
Someone poked you down below.
Can I graduate
Can I graduate
Can I graduate
Can I graduate
Can I graduate
Can I get my punk *** off the street
Can I look at faces that I meet
I’m not waiting here for you to fly (I mind)
Will this song live on long after we do ( I mind)

THIS IS AN EXPLANATION TO MY BLOG TODAY… SMALL CAPS LIKE THESE ARE ME AND HOW I FEEL, LARGE LIKE THIS IS HOW I’M BEING BROUGHT DOWN BY PAIN, AND HOW I FEEL WHEN JESUS IS LIFTING ME UP LOOKS LIKE THIS . AND THIS IS JESUS DIRECTLY TALKING TO ME
HEAR MY CRY, IF ONLY I COULD SCREAM, OPEN YOUR EYES ITS TIME YOU REALIZE, ITS YOUR OWN DEMISE. I'M WAITING FOR THE BREAKDOWN, IS IT EVER GONNA COME? THE PAIN IS REAL, EVEN IF NOBODY KNOWS, AND I'M CRYING INSIDE. I CAN SEE IT SO CLEARLY, THAT YOU'RE NOWHERE AROUND. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG. I KNOW, IT S HARD TO MAKE THIS WORK, WHEN YOU'RE ALL ALONE. FALLING THROUGH THE HOURGLASS, TIME TO LET GO OF ALL I KNOW. I NEED YOU NOW. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH, THE WORDS THAT FILL MY LIFE ARE NOT FROM YOU, BUT FROM MY FATHER'S HAND. IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHEN NO ONE EVER SEEMS TO CARE, DONT LOOK BACK. WITH MY LIFE I'LL MAKE A CHANGE. DO THEY EVEN KNOW. FROM THE WINDOW WHERE I SOMETIMES CRY, I JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE TONIGHT, AND I'M WILLING TO LOSE EVERYTHING I AM. I'LL TAKE A MOMENT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I'M DOWN, HAVE ALL MY QUESTIONS BEEN IGNORED, THIS TIME I'M WALKING OUT THE DOOR, I DONT KNOW IF I'LL EVER KNOW WHY, WHAT YOU SAID TO ME LATE LAST NIGHT I'LL REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. HOW CAN I EXPLAIN THE FAILURE FELT INSIDE. ON THE BATTLEFIELD. SOLDIER STAY ON YOUR FEET. YOU CAN'T WIN BECAUSE YOUR SIDE IS GOING DOWN. THE ONLY SOUND THAT YOU CAN HEAR IS THE SOUND OF SOLDIERS HITTING THE GROUND.THE BATTLEFIELD IS JUST A DEATH WISH,I GET SHOT AND I DIE INSIDE, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE MY PRIDE. KEEP YOUR PAIN INSIDE, BEWARE, VICTORY IS MINE, ON THE BATTLEFIELD, SEND YOUR SOLDIERS OUT TO DIE, FILL THE AIR WITH DESPAIR, YOU’RE UNDER ATTACK, CAN YOU TAKE IT, ARE YOU GONNA MAKE IT. GO OUT AND DIE, BUT DO THE BEST YOU CAN, DEAL WITH THE PAIN, THE SWEAT AND POURING RAIN. WILL THIS NEVER END? TOO MUCH OF NOTHING IS TOUGH. IF YOU DON’T STAND FOR SOMETHING, YOU’LL FALL FOR ANYTHING. I CANT PRETEND THAT I’M ALRIGHT, AND YOU CANT CHANGE ME, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. ITS JUST TOO LATE. IT FEELS LIKE YOU DON’T CARE ANYMORE. AND NOTHING’S ALRIGHT. THIS WORLD IS COLD. NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. YOUR MOTHERS GONE. EVERYONE BLEEDS THE SAME WAY THAT YOU DO. EVERYONE HAS THE SAME THINGS TO GO THROUGH. LEARN A LESSON, YOU’RE NOT LISTENING, SOMETHINGS MISSING.IF EVER YOU LOVED ME, YOU’D SAY, ITS OKAY. ITS ALL A BIG SHOW, YOU ALWAYS TAKE TIME TO CRITICIZE ME, EVERYDAY I JUST CANT GET IT RIGHT. BUT NOT TODAY. NOTHING YOU SAID TODAY IS GONNA BRING ME DOWN. PROMISES SHATTERED. FRIENDS SAY GOODBYE, PLANS COME UNDONE. DREAMS GET CRUSHED, WORDS CAN TURN CRUEL, HEARTS CAN GROW COLD, IN A BROKEN WORLD. YOU’RE MY STRENGTH. YOU’RE MY REFUGE. SHOW ME LIFE, TELL ME TRUTH, DAY AFTER DAY I KEEP RUNNING TO YOU IN A BROKEN WORLD. I’LL BE THERE TO HOLD YOU SAFE UNTIL THE END.
THIS IS AN EMOTIONAL BATTLE IN ME, BETWEEN ME, GOD, AND THE HURTFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD. BASICALLY IT’S A BUNCH OF CLIPS AND PHRASES THAT ARE EATING AWAY AT MY HEART, UNTIL MY HEAD CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE, UNTIL I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT, AND CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT CRY.

Well guys and gals, i'm in california, went to the beach and got FRIED! omg, it hurts so bad,but good news is i'll be a tan kid in a few days, but its okay! haha. well just chillin in susie's dorm room while she's in alpha training, so i'm getting kinda bored cus her aim isn't working, and there's only so much i can do when i'm not talking to people constantly. haha. It was a fun road trip out, we documented most of it with the video camera, and took pictures of other stuff. We went to claim jumper for desert today, it was awesome, they have a motherload fudge cake, its 7 laters of chocolate cake, with fudge walnut frosting, its excellent, but we went for the huge pieces of delicious cheesecake, raspberry and carmel apple, and berry cobler, it was soooo good, and it was with two random chicks i didnt know, but they were really funny, and with erika, brooke, and susie, so it was all in good company, and we ate at the park, then went and played after. then i came back here, and here i sit on the internet! haha, I can't wait to get home, and sleep in my own bed for once, and just relax by myself. its going to be exciting. I still havent come to a conclusion on the problem i had the night before i left, and i still havent told anyone the problem, because i dont know how to address it without hurting feelings, and thats the one thing i hate doing, so i'm having a tough time deciding if its worth me hurting feelings or not to make me happy, or just me get over it, and try and keep everyone happy. who knows, only God. Well can't wait for school to start! i know it sounds funny, but i'm going to be a senior, and its going to be weird knowing i only have like 9 months of school left, and only 2 classes i need to graduate, so i have done something completely stupid and given myself hard classes. only they're not that hard, they're honors though, because i REALLY wanna bring up my gpa, but i'll talk about that later, well love ya'll lots , and talk to you later, its getting late for even me! haha. yea, right.

just got back from nevada, it was awesome, i'll share details later, cus i have to pack for california, i'm leaving today in about six hours! haha, hope you like the pics, those were just a few of my favorites, just ask me next time you talk to me and i'll show you some more cool ones! sorry i never called anyone, but i was REALLY busy, or my phone was dead, or had no service. but i thought about you all! love you guys, talk to you when i get back on the 16!

me and katie at circus circus

alicia in virginia city

me in virginia city

me and dave

Go Penguins GO!!!!

me and katie in San Francisco, at pier 39, it was FREEZING

alcatraz in the background

me mom and katie

me and katie tubing, i'm in the purple one, she's in the red one

this is one hot guy i picked up at the lake, also known as my brother!

me and tim at the lake

me and mom

us girls riding an elephant at marine world

papa, hailey and me

katie and me ready for hot august nights, a big 50's celebration in reno, and yes, those are poodle skirts we're in

this candy store had so much freaking candy!!

katie and me being dorks

katie, aimee, and myself, also at circus circus

me by the river, the first day out...i 'm white, i know

my niece is the cutest!