screw this

uhhhhhhhhhh, dont expect me to blog for a long time... here's my last post for a long time untl i can produce enough words to be a happy person....
I'm sorry to Brett... I've been a butt face for the past few weeks.
Sorry to Carrie and Tere and Ray...I Dont know if I can do what you want me to do... so right now, i'm not going to attempt to try.
Sorry to Katie.... I'm not good at answering my phone, and never will be. nor am i good at calling you back... no offense, it goes for everyone.
Sorry to Andrew, Ozzy, Rebecca, Alex, and Robby.... I love you guys with all my heart, but I'm frustrated.
Sorry to Brittany, Jason, Ashley, Katlyn.... I dont know why I treat you bad, its messed up on my part.
Sorry to Susie... I'm having a hard time.
Sorry to Dad... I'm just Sorry.
Sorry to Maliha... You're an awesome friend, and i've taken total advantage of that.
Sorry to everyone at work... you guys have been nothing but awesome to me.
Sorry to Edwin... I don't know if I can look you in the eyes anymore.... same goes for Brian.
Anyone else I've missed, I'm sorry.

Circle of friends

Wooo whooo for wednesdays. This is my last wednesday at youth for a while. Winterguard is takin over, and no longer am i going to youth.... sorry brett and katie, and anyone else. i just mentioned them because i know katies gonna be pissed, and brett, he really didn't seem to care when i told him. haha. i heard that when i told michelle, she was like, "i dont see her as a band geek" haha, if you only knew. well not much going on in this lil world that i live in. just work and school and music. well i guess that's gonna be it for me for now.

LALALALALA

Wow, I WAS going to post, but then i read my comment from my last blog, and decided i'm too PISSED off, so this is my post for the week. Everyone have a SPLENDID week, oh, and susie, want to talk more crap about me, why don't you call me, i'll make sure to call you back this time...

WOOOO WHOO!!!!

YAY for Wednesdays! Oh man, i'm so excited for tonight. I felt so horrible last week when I didn't go. But apparently I can't go back until I have a boyfriend, cus apparently theres some interaction going on.... AGAIN. haha. I dont know, I kinda thought when all this youth group stuff went down, more people would be focused, But i have no room to say anything, this is just what i hear from my lil birdies.
So my family living with me is a different situation. I love it, but it entitles me to never be on the internet. haha. I'm like going crazy, i havent been on im in forever! it saddens me a lil, but not too bad, since i do have two jobs, and go to school. But family in general is starting to stress me out.... Call me if you REALLY want to know why, cus i'm not going to post it.
the college search is going good. I took sat's saturday, i think i did alright, I'll find out soon enough. Now i just need to work on scholarships and financial aid, and figuring out where i want to go.
Jobs are good, I love buffalo, and hate coldstone, so my notice needs to go in, but because of Co-op, i have to still work there. so end of january I'm out.
Everything else is going awesome, I became a canidate for NHS (National Honors Society) and have to go do all of my paper work today. Its awesome because that helps on the scholarships a whole lot more! haha!
Well I guess thats it for this blogger today, i guess i should do my work in Fashion Merch, but its a slim possibility.

So I havent blogged in a while

Okay, so its been a long week and a half. I think thats how long its been since i blogged last. I wonder if anyone noticed. haha. I'm kinda upset, this week i missed small group and youth group. I got those days off from now on, but because of training i had to go. Today is going to be fun because its family and friends night. So basically, its all on from now. i'm a good hostess i think. And from what i'm told from other people. I think thats what crystal wants me to do tonight. but whatever. Just thought i'd write something to update my blog to let everyone know that i'm still alive. haha. BARELY!!!! HAHA. Love you all .

YAY again for fashion merch, where i do nothing all day! haha. I'm like way ahead of everyone cus i've already taken marketing. so basically, here i sit bored as no other. Small group was awesome last night. I love it so very much. I feel funny though cus i'm like half the age of everyone in there. cept for cory and johnathon, and matt and bren. haha. its cool though. So howbout yesterday as i was finished reading chapter 4, i was pretty bored, so i decided to draw a scene from the book. You know how it talks about "Would you like frogs with that?" well i decided to draw a server guy with a platter of frogs. it was great, i'll have to scan it so everyone can see it. well tonight at youth should be fun, andrew and me have the pumpkin patch from 5-7 tonight, it'll be fun, i'll bring the football or something to do while waiting for people to get pumpkins. well i guess that's it for me today. I'll post later when i have something better to say.

so, long day, long week. Small group was really good last night. i dont know what i was expecting, but i liked it a lot. I 'm at scott and michelles, so its close to home. I really like the book. actually, I love the book. I've figured out that i'm the martha, I'm always doing something, if i'm not, i feel like blah. i liked how he linked God to the Wheres waldo. Because even though we may not see God, he's always there, on every page. But you keep looking, but people are so fixed on the problem they can't find the answer, and they find all the waldo's with a missing shoe, or a waldo with his face hidden. But once you find waldo, he's in the most obvious places, kinda like God. you can find him in a person who smiled at you, or in a beautiful sunset. I dont know, this book is really making me think, which may be a good thing, or a very harmful thing to do to myself. haha. Well i'm in class, so i guess i better go.


YAY HALF DAY TODAY!

So.... how's rufus? haha. still funny. well got a job on thursday at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm excited. Brittany works there too, actually, she referred me. it was pretty awesome though, cus i went in thursday after school, just wanting to put in an application, they did an interview on the spot, i asked when they might be able to call me back and let me know, and the manager said, as soon as we get ahold of coldstone. i said, okay, and as i get to coldstone at about 4:45 steve had already hung up with the manager, and at about 4:50 they called me back and told me i got it. i'm sooooo excited to be able to get out of coldstone.
lets see, today me and pops went to Raliegh to the NC State open house. Its an awesome campus, very beautiful, i'm not so sure how i'd do there though. Dad say's we should go up and visit Va. Tech, cus thats one of my other choices for college. so we'll probly be doing that within the next few weeks.
Alicia, Pete, and Aimee got into town wed. its awesome having them here.
thats all i have to say. love y'all

well i had coffee with Brittany the other day, it was awesome! we got everything out of the way and are working together on some stuff. It's truely awesome. And yes, the reason why it was all going on is the reason i thought, but its all worked out. we already have plans for after graduation! yay! hehe. well not much to say, cept no school today thanks to underclassmen having psat's. sweetness! well i'm gonna go clean, since alicia comes today!

Women's conference was wonderful, Miss Tere's a hoot. We had an awesome time, and learned/ Heard, about some awesome things, amazing stories from women who have the same everyday problems as us. some examples are jealousy, guys, self images, and hurt. They touched on every subject that needed to be touched on. I really wish that the other girls would have gone, because it would have been a defining moment in our group to say "OMG, what are we doing to eachother" but we had a get together and resolved/addressed some issues that are very noticable, yet unmentioned. I'm glad that what happened happened, even though it was rough, everyone needs to be shown we're still human, and we still have to deal with reality. i hope that what happened tonight brings us all SO much closer, i hope that it just breaks walls, and takes down barriers, all the while building our hearts 10 x's bigger. I hope we're all like the grinch, ( i have a theory to go along with this) we're all bitter about our perceptions of everything (the grinch and everyone hating him cus he was green and hairy) but after some name calling (whobilation) and addressing issues (him being crowned whoville guy of whatever) we all found out what we think is wrong and are working on the problem , and fixing it ( Grinch giving back presents) and our hearts will grow from this experience (the grinches heart grew) .... Haha, i like my analysis of the situation. I can't wait till tomorrow. I'm anxious to find out what will come, but excited to see change. well thats all for me....


by the way, i started out this blog going to dog on everyone writing blogs that are wayyyyy too long for me to read... haha. but then i write and write, well yea, that's it for me, and one thing that I took back from the conference, is a new perception on Phil 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

YAY for third period being done with everything. i'm supposed to be doing a report on Vera Wang, this awesome wedding dress designer, but i'm done, so here i am being bored as crap. haha. well youth tonight is going to be awesome. we're gonna watch "Robots" hopefully, cus i love that movie, i'm so bringing popcorn and drinks. haha. i'm such a nerd, well there's nothing really to post except i think my friend Edwin is coming with me to youth, he's an awesome kid, and i'm excited, cus i havent hung out with him since hawk nelson, but majorly since weaver last year!

Its a beautiful day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! too bad the air conditioner at school is set to like 40 *, its freezing in my school, but its nice between classes to go outside and just stand in the sun that's going to go on vacation soon. :( well all is well, no boy problems *no boys period* no other problems, cept the same ol' at the two places i love the most, yet complain about the biggest. well sissy comes in 2 weeks! thats it for me today, love ya'll.

i'm still icky, coldstone goes under new management starting october 3. I'm planning on quitting. I dont like the person who's going to be running the store. Emily is with me. I believe brian might be, but not for sure yet. its going to go under the awkward phase that happened when big B left the store and i just can't go through the stress of that again. thats all thats going on with my life.... great day.... :(

EAT CHALK EVIL DOERS!!!

We live we love we forgive and never give up, cus the days we were given are gifts from above and today we remember to live and to love.

Great song by Superchik.

Brett should be a racecar driver.
We should do that again, it was awesome.
And that's all I have to say about that.

WAKE ME UP, WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS

Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last, wake me up, when september ends

Like my fathers come to pass, seven years has gone so fast, wake me up when september ends

Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars, drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are

As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost, wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again, like we did when spring began, wake me up, when september ends

WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS

I love nyquil, it makes me happy, same with chloroseptic spray. ( I still feel like ick, and have a voice in and out sometimes i have it, sometimes I dont.) but my hero's are the drugs that keep me going.

ugggg. I'm sick right now. it sucks. my mom thinks its tonsillitus, because i've had it like 12 times before. and my dad just keeps telling me to take cold medicine. 2 completely different views. i dont know, i just feel like crap, my throat hurts so bad that i had to go home from school yesterday. but then i had to work because i was mod, but susan one of the workers, came and brought me some yummy tea. it was really sweet. like i had no voice and everything. i'm just bored, because i cant sleep because my throat is bothering me so much, and i can't eat, cus it hurts, and i can't drink cus it hurts, so im just like ... blah.... uggg. okay, i'm going to go do something less productive as this, like, lay on the couch and watch infomircials. haha.

Weekend =
go out with Blueh (formerly blair), emily, chanel, possibly erika. have soooo much fun! yippee.
sleep in really late!
go to work
Go hang out with bryan and jess (yay, she's in town!)
come home
sleep in semi late
go to church
see all my cool church peeps
possibly go to lunch
go have fun with erika, emily, bryan, and jess, (if she's still home)
do homework.
sleep
start this fun ritual again!



ps, i love being a T.A. first period, no more ap gov't. i'm now a slacker senior! haha, and my teacher told me not to come to class today! how sweet is that?!

Waffle house is the best at 2:40 in the morning.
This weekend was AWESOME! Saturday night, emily and me decided to go to walmart in thomasville, out where the "accident" happened, it brought back a lot of memories, the we were just dorks until 2: 30 am. then went home, and couldn't sleep cus i had 5 shots expresso, and a monster. then sunday, woke up, went to church, remington grille for lunch, and then went home, and bryan called me, asked me to go to taco bell with him, emily, nate, david and shawn. so i did. then i went to the mall while everyone had stuff to do, got myself some cool clothes. then, bryan calls me again, wants me to go watch his band practice, so i do. then i lock my keys in the car, bryan takes me home, gets spare key, then takes me back to where he was practicing, then i go to work, and katie comes in because its her birthday, that made me happy, then we close, and bryan, shawn, emily and me go to carolina diner, but it was closed, so we decide on ihop, that's closed to, so we go to waffle house, and wait for like ever while they bring us toast and chicken sandwiches, and drink tea that tasted horrible, and it waz FREEZING in there. but it was fun. its kinda weird cus since jess went to college, me and bryan talk a lot more, i wish it was like that only jess was here. i mean, i missed being bryans friend. but its been great, we were supposed to hang out once i got off work again tonight, but homework keeps us kids at home. well thats all my news, hope everyone had a good weekend, and has a good week ahead.

3 day weekend =
1. Get paid
2. Go to work
3. get off work and go have fun with bryan, emily, and possibly other people
4. come home late
5. sleep in late
6. go back to work
7. get off work and go have fun with bryan, emily, erika, chanel
8. come home late
9. go to church
10. maybe go out with people after church for lunch
11. go shopping
12 go to movies with erika
13. go to work
14. get off work, go have fun with bryan, emily, maddy,
15. come home late
16. sleep in late
17. Go to starbucks and barnes and nobles with erika
18. go to work
19. do homework i had three days to do
20. go to sleep once again, and start my week over again.

Every now and again sometime's I get lost on the wind of a dream....
Work and school have taken over my life...Again.

:( Weekend's over): its okay, i'm okay with that, the leadership meeting at church was cool, i mean, stuff got accomplished. um, work was good tonight better than last night, last night, Brian didnt talk to me at all, and when the mention of his girlfriend came up he got pissed off at me... whatever, but then tonight, it was better, we both made a better effort at talking to eachother, and... I didnt get hit in the head with a spade! I'm just really sad that I dont get to talk to one of my best friends anymore because "college and work are so hectic". its okay though. well not much to talk about, just getting ready for the week ahead! everyone have an awesome week!

Senior Queen

Thats the quote that was written on my shirt as i walked into school for just 174 more days of school! all the senior girls had made teeshirts like that , and we all wore crowns, to signify our royalty. today its never been hotter than this, therefore, we're wearing our sunglasses. its gonna be hot. school was nice yesterday, i never realized how many people i knew that knew me too. i have a semi tough schedule this semester, AP Government, Honors Sociology, Fashion and Merchandising, and Honors Pre Calculus. okay, its not that bad, but it still sucks a lil, why is it i wait until my senior year to take hard classes? i should be taking my slacker classes now. but its okay. i'm excited for the weekend, cus that signifies sleep, even though i have to wake up early both days...eek, i'll nap though, cus i still haven't gotten off my summer schedule of never sleeping, so its kinda hard getting up early, but give me a few days, and it'll be all gravy. Well i'm glad that youth went so well on wednesday, it was completely awesome. I'm happy that these changes are going to make everyone be more accountable, and to just embrace the group. well gotsta go to school, see ya'll later!

I'm just a Barking Pig

Our youth group is a place of comfort right? A place we all come so we can hang out, and have a great time. Well that’s all good and gravy, but we’re not accomplishing anything if we’re not here for the right reasons. We all know that there’s clicks, clicks in school, and clicks at church. If you haven’t noticed, then one day, walk in slowly...a little late, and don’t try to be noticed. You can see that there are the groups that hang out together, the ones that don’t mean to exclude people, but it happens. And I’m not saying it’s bad to have you’re group of friends, or have your tight nit circle of friends that keep you accountable, but you have to be open for new people to come in. In romans 15:7 it says~accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. This meaning that we all have to accept each other to be able to praise god as god intended us to praise him, because in Matt. 18:20, it says~ for where two or three people gather in my name, there am I with them.We can’t form clicks because that’s not what God intended. He intended everyone to be accepted. Which leads me to my next points. Popularity and reputation. Everyone wants to be the cheerleader, the quarterbacks boyfriend, or part of that band... it doesn’t matter, because everyone wants to be part of the popular crowd, and if you don’t, you’re only fooling yourself. But usually the most popular kids are the ones who get themselves into the most trouble by going to this party with him, or dating her.... everything that you do represents your character, and your reputation. And then comes the factor of, well if I’m Christian, then I can’t have fun. That’s completely wrong. I know. All the kids in my culinary arts class laugh at me because I had on my absolute surrender bracelet, and someone asked me if I had gone clubbing the night before....and everyone just laughed, because they know I’m Christian, and they didn’t think I ever did anything fun. And I explained it to them. Then not even five minutes later, I was asked why Christians never had any fun. And I explained that Christian’s do have fun. We just do it in a different manner. We don’t have to drink or do drugs, or anything to have a good time. And then I was asked why Christians ignore other people that aren’t Christians, and my answer was...”We don’t, why would you think that” and he said, because you ignored me when you found out I drink and do drugs. And I looked around...and I have 2 real friends. One of them is my sister. And the other one is Katie. Both of them are hard core Christians, who I know wouldn’t ever experiment, or would try to get themselves into trouble. They don’t care if they’re popular, and don’t care if their reputation is being labeled “Christian” . And neither did Jesus, obviously. But Jesus went to dinner parties with the non believers, the sinners, and the leapers. Being Christian doesn’t mean that you can’t go out and have a good time, it’s about what you do with your time that counts. And your reputation is determined by your character. Jesus was more popular with the non believers, than he was with the believers, because most believer’s felt threatened by Jesus. They felt because he went out with the sinner’s, that he was blackening his reputation. And ruining his character. But he wasn’t. He was gaining the trust of non believers loving them the way that other people wouldn’t. Which is exactly what we need to do at church, at school, and everywhere else we go. We need to not be afraid to let other’s in, even non believers. To show them the love of Christ. To show them that Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven, and all of your reputation, popularity, and character, are determined in the manner that you do this. Don’t be like me, and then look back and regret that you weren’t friends with someone because they went to parties and did things that I didn’t do. Because now I have to earn back the trust of that person. I have to show them the love that I should have shown them when they told me they partied, because who knows...It could have been a cry for help. But I was too ignorant, and stubborn to look at it that way, I was looking at it like...well they’re going to try to corrupt my beliefs. Which, if I were strong enough in my faith, I would never have thought of that. I remember when Brittany sang the song “Awesome God” at one of the fund raiser’s we did in August, and I looked at the lyrics, and one of the lines says “and I want this world to see who you are, you are an awesome god, the only one, an awesome god you are. You’re an awesome god, the one that I sing of, an awesome god you are” and All of us in here talk about how we want this youth group to grow, how we want to go out and do things that contribute to the community. But our community starts here. We have to show the people who come here, who God is, we have to show people at school who God is, we can’t just expect people to know who God is. Especially if they don’t know. So I challenge you. Instead of closing your circle of friends to the one’s that you can trust. Let people you don’t trust into your circle. Show them love, and trust them and they’ll trust you and love you too. And it doesn’t matter what people think your reputation is. Because as long as your Character reflects God, then it doesn’t matter what your reputation, because people gossip, people lie, all to make themselves look better, when they’re jealous of you. And your reputation may be ruined, but when they realize that you don’t care because when you have God on your side, nothing else in the world matters

Grace is the unbelievable, un-asked-for gift of God when he looks at barking pigs like you and me and says, " I choose you."
Thats called grace, and the Bible tells us that the grace vof God is dangerous. Lavish. Excessive. God doesn't seem top be bvery careful about the people he calls his friends or the people he calls his church. His grace is ridiculously inclusive...
The religious leaders of his [Jesus'] day had written the script for the messiah. But they didn't understand that the bible they took their script from was actually the story of God's grace in one generation after another. When Jesus announced that he was this savior of the Jews, the religious leaders screamed at him, "there's no Jesus in the Messiah script! Messiahs don't hang out with losers. Our Messiah doesn't break the rules. Our Messiah doesn't question our leadership, or threaten our religion or act irresponsibly. Our Messiah doesn't destroy his reputation by hanging out with a riff-raff or spending his time in shady places."
Jesus' reply? This Messiah does!
can you see why the opportunity to follow jesus and find a new way to be human is called good news? It's an equal opportunity faith, open to all-in spite of the abundance of playwrights in the church who are anxious to announce, "There's no place for you if you wear an earring or have a tattoo, drink wine, ask too many questions, look weird, smoke, dance, haven't been "filled with the Spirit," aren't baptized, swear, have pink hair, are in the wrong ethnic group, have a nose ring, have had an abortion, are gay, or lesbian or too liberal." the Bible is full of changed people who changed the world around them, people who were prostitutes, murderers, cheaters and adulterers."
Jesus believed that Messiahs find places for people who have no place. He invited everyone he could find to have a relationship with him-from sleazy businessmen, terrorists,. dock workers, tax collector bullies, psychotics and deranged outcasts to the rich and over privileged eliet. Why God would want us, like us, seek us and pursue us is more than bewildering. It's the best news we could ever hear. The God of the universe likes us. The God of the universe likes us! He knows who we are. He's aware of our, uh, flaws.

I’ve missed my chance, I need reassurance.

And I know it wasn’t right, but it felt so good, and your mother didn’t mind like I thought she would, and an rem song was playing in my mind, and 3 ½ minutes, felt like a lifetime. You move like water, I could drown in you. I fell deep once, till you pulled me through. You tell me, no one is allowed to be so proud, they never reach out when they’re giving up. ~Better than Ezra.
I feel this appropriate right now…
Can I graduate?
Can I graduate?
Can I look at faces that I meet
Can I get my punk *** off the street
I’ve been living on for so long.
(can I graduate)
To the ******* talking down to me
Your whipping boy calamity
Cross your fingers, I’m going to knock it all down
(can I graduate)
Echo fading, we can’t let go
She goes walking by in slow~mo’
Sell your heart out for a buck
Go on, fade out, before I get stuck
Talking to somebody like you
Do you live the days you go through
Will this song live on long after we do
(can I graduate)
Can I look at faces that I meet
Can I get my punk *** off the street
Won’t die on the vine. I wanna knock it all down
(can I graduate)
Echo fading, candle blow
Did you flash out long ago
Cross my fingers, I don’t know
Someone poked you down below.
Can I graduate
Can I graduate
Can I graduate
Can I graduate
Can I graduate
Can I get my punk *** off the street
Can I look at faces that I meet
I’m not waiting here for you to fly (I mind)
Will this song live on long after we do ( I mind)

THIS IS AN EXPLANATION TO MY BLOG TODAY… SMALL CAPS LIKE THESE ARE ME AND HOW I FEEL, LARGE LIKE THIS IS HOW I’M BEING BROUGHT DOWN BY PAIN, AND HOW I FEEL WHEN JESUS IS LIFTING ME UP LOOKS LIKE THIS . AND THIS IS JESUS DIRECTLY TALKING TO ME
HEAR MY CRY, IF ONLY I COULD SCREAM, OPEN YOUR EYES ITS TIME YOU REALIZE, ITS YOUR OWN DEMISE. I'M WAITING FOR THE BREAKDOWN, IS IT EVER GONNA COME? THE PAIN IS REAL, EVEN IF NOBODY KNOWS, AND I'M CRYING INSIDE. I CAN SEE IT SO CLEARLY, THAT YOU'RE NOWHERE AROUND. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG. I KNOW, IT S HARD TO MAKE THIS WORK, WHEN YOU'RE ALL ALONE. FALLING THROUGH THE HOURGLASS, TIME TO LET GO OF ALL I KNOW. I NEED YOU NOW. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH, THE WORDS THAT FILL MY LIFE ARE NOT FROM YOU, BUT FROM MY FATHER'S HAND. IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHEN NO ONE EVER SEEMS TO CARE, DONT LOOK BACK. WITH MY LIFE I'LL MAKE A CHANGE. DO THEY EVEN KNOW. FROM THE WINDOW WHERE I SOMETIMES CRY, I JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE TONIGHT, AND I'M WILLING TO LOSE EVERYTHING I AM. I'LL TAKE A MOMENT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I'M DOWN, HAVE ALL MY QUESTIONS BEEN IGNORED, THIS TIME I'M WALKING OUT THE DOOR, I DONT KNOW IF I'LL EVER KNOW WHY, WHAT YOU SAID TO ME LATE LAST NIGHT I'LL REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. HOW CAN I EXPLAIN THE FAILURE FELT INSIDE. ON THE BATTLEFIELD. SOLDIER STAY ON YOUR FEET. YOU CAN'T WIN BECAUSE YOUR SIDE IS GOING DOWN. THE ONLY SOUND THAT YOU CAN HEAR IS THE SOUND OF SOLDIERS HITTING THE GROUND.THE BATTLEFIELD IS JUST A DEATH WISH,I GET SHOT AND I DIE INSIDE, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE MY PRIDE. KEEP YOUR PAIN INSIDE, BEWARE, VICTORY IS MINE, ON THE BATTLEFIELD, SEND YOUR SOLDIERS OUT TO DIE, FILL THE AIR WITH DESPAIR, YOU’RE UNDER ATTACK, CAN YOU TAKE IT, ARE YOU GONNA MAKE IT. GO OUT AND DIE, BUT DO THE BEST YOU CAN, DEAL WITH THE PAIN, THE SWEAT AND POURING RAIN. WILL THIS NEVER END? TOO MUCH OF NOTHING IS TOUGH. IF YOU DON’T STAND FOR SOMETHING, YOU’LL FALL FOR ANYTHING. I CANT PRETEND THAT I’M ALRIGHT, AND YOU CANT CHANGE ME, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. ITS JUST TOO LATE. IT FEELS LIKE YOU DON’T CARE ANYMORE. AND NOTHING’S ALRIGHT. THIS WORLD IS COLD. NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. YOUR MOTHERS GONE. EVERYONE BLEEDS THE SAME WAY THAT YOU DO. EVERYONE HAS THE SAME THINGS TO GO THROUGH. LEARN A LESSON, YOU’RE NOT LISTENING, SOMETHINGS MISSING.IF EVER YOU LOVED ME, YOU’D SAY, ITS OKAY. ITS ALL A BIG SHOW, YOU ALWAYS TAKE TIME TO CRITICIZE ME, EVERYDAY I JUST CANT GET IT RIGHT. BUT NOT TODAY. NOTHING YOU SAID TODAY IS GONNA BRING ME DOWN. PROMISES SHATTERED. FRIENDS SAY GOODBYE, PLANS COME UNDONE. DREAMS GET CRUSHED, WORDS CAN TURN CRUEL, HEARTS CAN GROW COLD, IN A BROKEN WORLD. YOU’RE MY STRENGTH. YOU’RE MY REFUGE. SHOW ME LIFE, TELL ME TRUTH, DAY AFTER DAY I KEEP RUNNING TO YOU IN A BROKEN WORLD. I’LL BE THERE TO HOLD YOU SAFE UNTIL THE END.
THIS IS AN EMOTIONAL BATTLE IN ME, BETWEEN ME, GOD, AND THE HURTFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD. BASICALLY IT’S A BUNCH OF CLIPS AND PHRASES THAT ARE EATING AWAY AT MY HEART, UNTIL MY HEAD CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE, UNTIL I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT, AND CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT CRY.

Well guys and gals, i'm in california, went to the beach and got FRIED! omg, it hurts so bad,but good news is i'll be a tan kid in a few days, but its okay! haha. well just chillin in susie's dorm room while she's in alpha training, so i'm getting kinda bored cus her aim isn't working, and there's only so much i can do when i'm not talking to people constantly. haha. It was a fun road trip out, we documented most of it with the video camera, and took pictures of other stuff. We went to claim jumper for desert today, it was awesome, they have a motherload fudge cake, its 7 laters of chocolate cake, with fudge walnut frosting, its excellent, but we went for the huge pieces of delicious cheesecake, raspberry and carmel apple, and berry cobler, it was soooo good, and it was with two random chicks i didnt know, but they were really funny, and with erika, brooke, and susie, so it was all in good company, and we ate at the park, then went and played after. then i came back here, and here i sit on the internet! haha, I can't wait to get home, and sleep in my own bed for once, and just relax by myself. its going to be exciting. I still havent come to a conclusion on the problem i had the night before i left, and i still havent told anyone the problem, because i dont know how to address it without hurting feelings, and thats the one thing i hate doing, so i'm having a tough time deciding if its worth me hurting feelings or not to make me happy, or just me get over it, and try and keep everyone happy. who knows, only God. Well can't wait for school to start! i know it sounds funny, but i'm going to be a senior, and its going to be weird knowing i only have like 9 months of school left, and only 2 classes i need to graduate, so i have done something completely stupid and given myself hard classes. only they're not that hard, they're honors though, because i REALLY wanna bring up my gpa, but i'll talk about that later, well love ya'll lots , and talk to you later, its getting late for even me! haha. yea, right.

just got back from nevada, it was awesome, i'll share details later, cus i have to pack for california, i'm leaving today in about six hours! haha, hope you like the pics, those were just a few of my favorites, just ask me next time you talk to me and i'll show you some more cool ones! sorry i never called anyone, but i was REALLY busy, or my phone was dead, or had no service. but i thought about you all! love you guys, talk to you when i get back on the 16!

me and katie at circus circus

alicia in virginia city

me in virginia city

me and dave

Go Penguins GO!!!!

me and katie in San Francisco, at pier 39, it was FREEZING

alcatraz in the background

me mom and katie

me and katie tubing, i'm in the purple one, she's in the red one

this is one hot guy i picked up at the lake, also known as my brother!

me and tim at the lake

me and mom

us girls riding an elephant at marine world

papa, hailey and me

katie and me ready for hot august nights, a big 50's celebration in reno, and yes, those are poodle skirts we're in

this candy store had so much freaking candy!!

katie and me being dorks

katie, aimee, and myself, also at circus circus

me by the river, the first day out...i 'm white, i know

my niece is the cutest!

Your Birthdate: April 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene. The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher. You are very responsible and capable. This is an attractive and an attracting influence. You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it. You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research. You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes. This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup. You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

okay, one day left, then off to see my mom! yay, i'm gone for an entire month, hopefully i have lots of time to think and reflect on how i feel, because there are so many emotions i'm feeling right now that i cant even comprehend how to deal with them, a lot of what i'm feeling is narrowing down to two situations, church and work. Its hard to deal with those two right now, but work is becoming easier with each passing day. church is getting harder with each passing day. But by the end of the trip, i'll know. I'll know how i feel, and the actions i'm going to take, it might be a long transition of pain, but it's going to be in God's hands, thats the only thing that can be said, Susie has helped me a lot with this decision, and won't know the final result until it's final, but i'll try to keep ya'll updated. I wish i could say more about it, but i can't for personal reasons. you guys should understand. i say you guys as in brett and susie. haha. okay, well i'm going to go finish packing, and getting ready for nevada. love you guys!

Okay, so today's payday and i go in and cash my check, i only pull out less than half my pay check, and save the rest, good right? okay, well 2 hours later, i'm out of money and complaining that i've spent all of it. I'm a horrible person to take to the store, because all i want to do is spend my money. of course, i go to the dvd section, and see what kind of useless movies are for sale, and buy the two that everyone would over look, but i think its cool, i bought Twister, and Charlottes Web, two of my favorite movie's , then i go and get 2 hand bags that arent needed, hair ties, toe rings, 2 bathing suit bottoms,and a volley ball, all things that if used, will not be seen very often, except the volley ball. Then we go to target, (my favorite store in the world) and i preceed to buy another pair of sunglasses, another pair of sandals, a mouse pad, stickers, a wierd clock, and more hair ribbon ties. then drive to AC more, onther one of my favorite stores, where i buy more useless stuff, sharpe's (they had cool colors) stickers, more stickers, more hair ties, a crochet needle, ribbon, and other useless stuff. haha, I'm a dork, nothing i bought is conventional, but worth the fun of finding useless stuff to spend my hard earned money on. that was my day, oh, and i saw some of my favorite people, Chanel, Kelly I, Nichole, steve, and of course my partner in good, (we're superhero's, so we're not partners in crime) Brian. YAY, that was my day, great fun of sleeping, eating, and shopping, my three FAVORITE things to do!

Oh yea, check out my favorite Band's music, its "The Everglow" by Mae, thanks to Brian for introducing me to them!

okay, so yesterday, it hurt, i basically cleaned out a year and half of savings in one nice swoop, i had to pay for plane tickets yesterday, and go shopping, it was HORRIBLE i walked out of the bank with a sick feeling in my stomache. but it went away as soon as i started shopping. haha. but i bought really cute clothes, and had a day to myself to think... wait, i didnt do that, haha, i just went shopping and got my nails done, and just hung out with myself, it was beautiful. okay, well i guess i could go to church, even though its only 9:42, and i'm ready, and church doesnt start for another hour. haha, and i only got 4 hours of sleep, but i'm hyper, so it's all good. okay, i'm out, love ya'll

okay, so a lil dilemma, i dont know what to do... not really, i'm not in a dilemma at all, i just needed a good catchy line. are you strong enough to be my man? haha, i'm listening to sheryl crow, i love her! its like all the old school songs she used to sing. I'm bored, just sittin in susies room looking at all the poems i've written, and how pathetic most of them are. haha. how sad is this 9 pm on a friday night, and what am i doing? ... writing a blog to no one because no one but susie ever reads this. haha. okay, i'm gonna call people and see if they wanna hang out. love you all! ps... 35 days till i'm a senior.

man, i'm tired, i dont know why, but lately all i wanna do is sleep. Not much going on, just had a pool party for youth, for Jason's birthday, too bad katie and rebecca, and ozzy, and andrew are the only people who talk to me, i always say i dont really care, but in all honesty, i really do. But nothing i can do about it. I kinda wish the people i invited to come tonight had come, but its okay, life goes on.... whoa how the life goes on... sorry, got distracted. Well i think thats it for tonight, i'll post later, and all that nice stuff!

i promised you i'd never give up, if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad, if it makes you happy, then why are you so sad? ~Sheryl Crow

Good past few days, i missed being at cfc this week, but katie and i went to lexington to Mt. Olevit church, which is where one of the groups from ccc was from, so we got to see all those people, except, katie was allergic to something and we had to leave 10 mins into service, but it was still fun seeing all those people again.
I cant wait to go to nevada, its gonna be great fun, i leave july 27, and come back august 8. Its gonna be sooooo much fun, basically, I REALLY wanna show katie what reno is all about. I've been talking to my mom, and she's got some really cool stuff she said we could do, one day i know we're gonna go up to pyramid lake and go jet skiing, since katie's only been on one in her life. and show her the lake, like the pyramids in the middle, and the coves and stuff, since i haven't been there in SOOO long, its gonna be nice to get in the cold water. Then one day we're gonna go up to Twin Bridges, its a big waterfall up by Lake Tahoe, and climb the 5 miles to the top.... btw, i've made it so close to the top, but never to the top. but its so cool, cus it's all granite rock to the top. and then we're gonna go to Lake Tahoe, and show her how pretty it is, and how its cleaner than your bath water, its awesome, and then we're gonna go to Hot August Nights, which is a big festival that reno has every first week of august, where hot rodder's from all around the country come to display their cars, and no car there is from 1960 or past, and at night, they all drive right through downtown where they close the streets for them, and everyone is dressed in 50's stuff, the entire town goes crazy, its so awesome, me and katie are even making poodle skirts! then lets see, we're gonna just hang out at the lake, and around town, i'm hoping i'm gonna see a few of my friends, like nancy , megan, chelsey, josh, and kim, but who knows, well i'm out for the day, just thought i'd share what i'm REALLY excited about!

my favorite thing from the long day in the hospital, it was a sign as you were walking in, and it just makes me smile!

Aaralyn Grace, born 07/06/05, at 8:56 pm, weighed 8lbs and was 20 1/2 inches long

okay, so yesterday morning, i get woken up with... "its time" me.."time for what?" ...."what do people normally say its time for?" me.."I dont know, what time is it (getting grumpy)" "okay, well i'm going to the store for flowers and a teddy bear" "AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Carrie and Brett... BABY!" hahaha, the other voice was my sister telling me that carrie went into labor! I was sooo excited, yet i didnt get to shower or anything. so i got to hang out at the hospital with miss samantha, brett, and carrie's family, and miss tere, while we waited for carrie to give birth. well by 6 30 nothing had happened, so Q and I decided that nothing would, and we went to youth, and never got a phone call, and so as i'm leaving youth, to go back to the hospital, i call amy, see how she's doing, and i call 4 minutes too late, carrie had Aaralyn Grace, at 8:56 pm on 07/06/05 she weighed 8 lbs and was 20 1/2 inches long, she's a beautiful baby girl, and i'm so happy for Carrie and Brett, they did an awesome job! YAY, its baby time!

okay, so good or the bad first? the good? sounds good to me! okay, so it was fourth of july, and i got to sleep in till 12: 25, i saw brian today, which he made me smile! and i saw chanel, and me and jason wore matching shirts today! um okay, on to the bad.... dun dun dun.....
I didnt get enough sleep, i was still tired as no other, i didnt get dinner till 12 40 am, and it took 10 mins in the drive thru at wendy's, it was july 4, meaning , everyone and their mom gets ice cream before the fireworks, which steve didnt think would happen, but i knew it would because i worked last year, and no one would listen to me, but we made more money tonight, than we did last night! it was horrible, and i only had 4 people and myself, but then 2 of them left, leaving susan closing backroom, will closing line, and me doing money and lobby, and floors in all three, because i'm cool like that and can close like a beast! haha. i'm so tired though, betsy, our floor machine... (no offense to anyone named betsy, thats just what her name is) is heavy, because she's broken, and so as i pushed the thing, water was leaking everywhere, and i had to take a rag and do it by hand.... eeeek, it was grosse, but then its all good because we were outa there at 12:25, and thats good, cus sometimes with even more closer's , it takes a lot longer! then i mentioned something about hanging out with brian after close, but because it was so late, nothing could be done, so no coffee for kristy tonight, and i'm really tired and grumpy, but its okay, and carrie still hasn't popped out a baby yet!

okay, end vent.
hope everyone has a wonderful night, or whats left of it! love you guys! happy 4 of july

hey there, i know, its hard to feel like i dont care at all,where you are and how you feel with these lights off as these wheels keep rolling on and on, slow things down, or speed them up. Not enough, or way too much. how are you wheni 'm gone?
you know you do you kill me well, you like it too and i can tell, you never stop until, my final breath is gone, so cut my wrists and black my eyes, so i can fall asleep tonight, or die. Spare me just three last words, " I love you is all she heard, i'll wait for you, but i can't wait forever. and i cant make it on my own, because my heart is in ohio, so cut my wrists and black my eyes so i can fall asleep tonight, or die, because you kill me.

sorry about ragging on people in my last post, but i'm tired of it. i was looking at pictures this morning, and its so weird to see how much everyone's changed, like i remember in 9th grade, i had SHORT blonde hair, and was skinny, and then like susie, used to be blonde, and like, just all my friends who've changed sooooo much, its so weird, but cool in a way i guess, well now that i've remenissed, i'm going to go get my hair cut, i'll see ya'll later

hey there, i know, its hard to feel like i dont care at all,where you are and how you feel with these lights off as these wheels keep rolling on and on, slow things down, or speed them up. Not enough, or way too much. how are you wheni 'm gone?
you know you do you kill me well, you like it too and i can tell, you never stop until, my final breath is gone, so cut my wrists and black my eyes, so i can fall asleep tonight, or die. Spare me just three last words, " I love you is all she heard, i'll wait for you, but i can't wait forever. and i cant make it on my own, because my heart is in ohio, so cut my wrists and black my eyes so i can fall asleep tonight, or die, because you kill me.

sorry about ragging on people in my last post, but i'm tired of it. i was looking at pictures this morning, and its so weird to see how much everyone's changed, like i remember in 9th grade, i had SHORT blonde hair, and was skinny, and then like susie, used to be blonde, and like, just all my friends who've changed sooooo much, its so weird, but cool in a way i guess, well now that i've remenissed, i'm going to go get my hair cut, i'll see ya'll later

I've noticed something that makes me so mad, and almost so mad to the point of tears. Some people change when they get into relationships. and its not , oh, i'm gonna hang out with them today, and we'll do lunch later, its the, hey, since i'm in a relationship, i'm never gonna talk to you again. its the, hey, i'm better than you because i have someone i'm infatuated with, and dont want to talk to anyone, kinda attitude. I've realized i've lost 3 really good friends in the past 9 months because of it. or at least i thought they were really good friends, but who knows. i mean, we went from the , hey wats up, to hanging out all the time, now we're to the point of " so yea, hey" kinda relationship. i hate when people change for someone, i mean, yea, you have to change a lil at least, but you can't block everyone else out, you have to keep your friends, because you may not always be in a relationship with this person, then who are you going to turn to if you blocked all of your friends out the first week you started dating? specially when you claim to be desperatly in love, after a week of dating. i can almost guarentee, unless you've been friends for some time, you're not gonna have a good relationship, and if you do and decide to get married, its not gonna be the greatest thing in your life. but whatever, ugggg, it just makes me so mad, that i've lost 3 friends because they ditched me when they got into a relationship. whatever, vbs is good, cant wait for tonight, i get to blow my nose on my sister!

well just got home from work, forgot to clock out, its okay though, it'll be fixed in the morning, um, work sucked, but since it sucked i'm not gonna talk about it. lets see, i would appreciate it if people were still praying for my friend, prayers are always welcome, i'm glad they're alright, um, VBS starts tomorrow... well today now, church is in a few hours, its gonna be weird in the fellowship hall, cus it hasnt been that way in over a year, its gonna bring back lots of memories of when i first moved here, specially since its summer. um, not much else going on, i'm excited to be serengetti betty, its gonna rock! not much going on, guess i'll check in later when i'm not tired and grumpy, oh, and susie, i'm sorry if i've been grumpy, well i know i have, and i'm sorry, i really do love having you home, and i dont want you to go back, but its meant to be! love all ya'll and remember, "Know God" *bible point for VBS day 1, have a great night!

um, come to realization, that I love my friends, and i really want everyone to be praying, specially for someone in particular, i wont say name's and i wont say what happened, but i'm just very glad that they're alive today, and i if "they" were to have passed, i would be devistated, crushed, and completely blown away, because i know that God has major plans for you, and without you, i dont know how i would get through some days, you truely brighten my day, make me laugh, and smile, whenever i talk to you! you're one of my best friends, and I know that God kept you here for one particular reason... because he knew how much it would hurt, all the people who love you, especially me, and the people who love you, love you more than you can imagine, because you're caring, honest, and one of the best people i've ever met in my entire life, and i love you!

Oh my Ga, CCC was so awesome! I can't even describe how great it was, i would be able to do it with pictures, but smart one here forgot a camera, so hopefully my cmg will email me pics to be able to post for you. But it was so great, the first day we went to Arrie Ellis's house, who is the mayor of Earl, a town in lincoln county NC. and we did yard work, and painted her porch, and her house, but we didnt finish, then tuesday, we started our 2 day project, which was to fix rotted wood on this lady's porch and in her living room, and it was difficult because it was so much more work than expected with the porch, because the original builder of the porch had no idea what he was doing. but anyway, that took up tuesday and wednesday, then thursday, we got our last full day project, which was to pull up lanolium (sp) and lay new tile on a lady's kitchen floor. Well it was all good, except that the project was about an hour and 15 mins or so away, so we get there around 10:30, the people don't even talk to us, and once we pull up the lanolium, there's the sticky paper stuff stuck to the floor, well being unprepared for this, we start trying to peel it up with crowbars and stuff, (doesnt work very well) then Jason gets there around 1, gives us the wood, and the tiles, which were peel and stick, thank God, and we start laying boards, and we realize that we can't measure, and we cut alot of wood about an inch off, it was bad, but then by 3 we start tiling her floor, and sara and i end up doing most of the tiling, which i dont mind, but the fact that one of the people just sat there looking at me while i was doing it, but we still had a good time i guess, seeing as we got the job done, we didnt get back until 7:30 , and we're supposed to be back to camp no later than 5, and we didnt leave the work site till 6 15, hahaha, jason came to help us again though, but something happened when we were hooking the fridge back up, and a wire to her ice maker got cut, or broke or something, so on friday jason had to go back and fix it... oops. and then on friday, for our half day job's we got to go back to Arrie Ellis' house and finish her porch and house, it was so awesome because she was so funny! but i'll talk about the people now i guess, starting off was Chris, our camp director, he was goofy, and was good at conversation, but we didnt' get to talk much, Faith, was awesome, she was a Major group leader, and a funny, funny sweet girl, we're staying in touch, then Jason, who was my major group leader, we had our good conversations about his first year as staff, and my first year as a camper, and how he felt that i would be good at a staff member and encouraged me to apply. And he was just so awesome to talk to, and really inspiring too, he eneded up falling asleep friday night at one of the tables, it was cute. then Amanda, who was our program coordinator, who helped jason alot, and she was just really inspiring to me, and really sweet, can't wait to talk to her again, then Houston, who was such a dork, he's like the....uh, can't describe him, he's just very unique, and awesome though too, even though all of the girls, well not all becasue it wasn't me, were like all over him.... at GOD CAMP! it made me so mad, cus all they would do is flirt, then lets see, ramsey, our tools person, she was cool,but we didnt' really talk much unless she was reading a bed time story, or waking me up. haha. then Cameron, who was the first person i talked to i believe, i sat next to him at lunch, and come to find out he was in my cmg, or Christian mission group, who i was paired with all week to do the projects, he was cool, and hope we get together over the summer and hang out, and maybe go visit miss. ellis. then Sara, who was also in my cmg, and was such an awesome girl, i love her, and i hope we get together this week like we're planning, but if not, i'm gonna see her before she goes to college, then Thalia, who was also in my cmg, she was cool but said some oddball stuff, but we still love her. then Dennis, who goes to IPUM but we never really talked, and he was in my cmg, and was funny, cameron had a ball making fun of him all week, then george, who was our driver, who was awesome and helped us out so much this week. and then Matt, who was cool, he also goes to ipum, and we just hung out alot during the week too. Lauren who is cameron's sister, was awesome too, she was really nice and i enjoyed her company, we're gonna go to the mall one day, then allyson, who was katie's bunk buddy, but she and i shared some good warm fuzzy's on the board. then Kari, who was my bunk buddy, she was so funny and sweet, we prayed for eachother every night, and we just inspired eachother everymorning as we got up, it was great. well that's all i'm gonna write for now seeing as this to me seems like a novel already, but i just cant express how much fun i had, well gonna go! love ya'll

THREE NAMES I GO BY:
1. Kristy
2. Kristy kreme/ kristpitykreme
3. nople

THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD:
1. Kristpitykreme
2. youmadeoutwithwho
3. Waitwah

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. hair
2. ankles
3. nose

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Stomach/waist
2. Thighs
3. Upper arms

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Italian
2. Irish
3. Canadian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Never finding my true love
2. being raped
3. being forced out of my relationship with God

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Lip Gloss/ Make up
2. Cell phone
3. hair tie

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. flower *in my hair*
2. underwear
3. shorts

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Hawk Nelson
2. Lifehouse
3. Ryan Cabrera

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Right Here, or Take me , by Hawk Nelson
2. You and me, or Breathing, by Lifehouse
3. True, by Ryan Cabrera

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. curiosity
2. humor
3. lots and lots of love

THREE TRUTHS:
1. I listen to my heart more than my head
2. I am terrified of everything
3. I've lived in Rancho Cucamonga California

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Talented
2. Love's God
3. Love's me more than I can fathom

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Swimming/ Diving/ Playing Waterpolo
2. Dancing
3. Singing to my hearts content when no one is watching

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Leave for CCC
2. Talk to some cool people before I go
3. Talk to that "Special Someone"

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. History Education (Teaching)
2. Athletic Training
3. Soccer Mom

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Anywhere with you
2. Europe, anywhere there
3. South America, anywhere in there

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Dillon
2. MacKenzie
3. Hannah Grace

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Tell the person I love I love them
2. Leave a good impression *lasting legacy*
3. Show everyone How much I love my lord God

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY/GIRL:
1. I'm a sucker for chick flicks
2. I cry at stupid unimportant things *i'm an emotional girl...*
3. I love make~up

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Shane West
2. The guy from "Chasing Liberty"
3. Jason from hawk nelson

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Brian
2. Susie
3. someone else who loves me




Hey Guys, Can't wait for CCC tomorrow, its going to rock!

I'm finding my way back to sanity, Again
Though i really dont know what i'm gonna do when i get there
so take a breath and hold on tight,
spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

'Cause i hanging, on every word you say
and even if you dont wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
'cause i want nothing more than to
sit ouside heaven's door
and listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yea
where i wanna be

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind
into the truth and i'm
trying to identify the voices in my head
God i wish it were you
let me feel one more time
what it feels like to feel
and break these calluses off of me one more time

"Cause I'm hanging on every word you say
and even if you dont wanna speak tonight
its alright, alright with me
Cause i want nothing more than to sit outside your door
and listen to you breathing
its where i wanna, where i wanna be, yeah

I dont want a thing from you
I bet you're tired of me
waiting for the scraps to fall
off of your table on to the ground
Cause i just wanna be here .... now

Breathing, By Lifehouse,
I love this song, and it just brings back so many memories from so long ago! I dont know, I'm sad that me and Q had a fight today, but its just hard for each of us to figure out who the other one is, i think we both have just changed so much, that we want it to go back to the way it was before she left, but we've both grown up so much and its just hard to adjust to eachother now, but its okay, i have faith, well i'm excited for CCC, its going to be great, i have no idea whats going to happen there, but it'll be fun. well not much else to write, but yea, ya'll have a good night, day, and week until i see/talk to you next, oh yea, dont im me or call me this next week unless its an emergency, because i'm not supposed to have my phone in the first place!
love ya'll

okay, so sunday night was CAR~HAZY, to put it lightly, well brian now has clear duct tape holding his bumper on, and i forgot to say how when we tried to go to brian's house, we pulled into someone elses driveway thinking it was his, and this creapy lady came and yelled at us, well jason, me and emu booked it outa there. okay , well here are some pics of the hawk nelson concert, because it was totally awesome!

Guitarist, and bassist

The drummer

Jason, the lead singer of hawk nelson

Oh wow! This was honestly the CRAZIEST night of my life! Twas grand. Started out by going to Hawk Nelson, and btw was a Great concert if they had finished their set. But it's okay because i still love them. Then Susie Brett and myself went to starbucks, and just hung out for a lil while. Then I went to Coldstone and helped them close, and afterwards Emily, Jason, and Myself all went up to Toads house aka Brian, and we made a giant doughnut topped cookie, and hung out and watched them play DDR. then after Kelly went home, we had this grand Idea of going to walmart, and by the way, he lives in the boondocks, (ledford area) and we hit a pole, and it was great, we duct taped his bumper back onto the car, (this is the shortened version by the way) and STILL go to Wal~Mart. get food, then go back to toads house, and watch emporer's new groove, where me and Toad end up texting eachother for the longest time, it was a GREAT conversation. lol. and then when emily and tyler were asleep, Doug, Toad and Me decide to go to kelly's house to let toad say bye for the week, and come back, and get a great welcome from Emily, where she not so politely tells me to shut up, when i was being quite, and all while doug is in his boxer/whitie titie's wrapped in a blanket so no one can see, rolling on the kitchen floor, and then we watch some cartoons, and i pass out finally at 7:30 or so, and wake up at around 8, and leave toads house, go take pics of the sign that we hit, and me and emily go to Chik Fil A for "Breakfast" only not, we had lunch, but it was 10, so we ate, then i come home, and haven't slept yet, that was my adventure last night~ if you want to hear more about the car accident just ask, cus there was way more to it than i've detailed, to keep Brian in the safe, lol. love ya'll and here are some nice pics of our lovely adventure.....

That's just a cool street name

The pole displaced by the car, we love the malibu

That's just a funny brand of stuff, dont know what it is, but it's at walmart

Tyler and Brian In walmart.... like the underwear in the background?

Me and emily trying to be cool, okay, well at least i'm trying

Brian before ANYTHING had happened

Brian at 5 30 AM, right before the trip to kelly's

our pole was broken and knocked about 10 feet from the cement holding it in....and bent for that matter, good thing the only major injury was a skinned nose.

doug in his blanket talking to Daisy, brians dog,

brian buying his duct tape to fix his bumper

trying to duct tape the bumper back on

the guys's playing DDR

um, not much to say since the last post, just had some fun at work last night, we had a water fight, and then after, Jason and Brian and Me all went to Carolina Diner and had coffee, and My true self came out when i broke the saucer...hahahah, it was great. um, going to see HAWK NELSON tonight! I'm so freggin excited, and then i don't know for sure, but i know brian was saying something about going to his house afterwards, if it happens it will be fun, who know's though. um, just kicking it with summer and all that greatness! lol. well i'm gonna go get ready for my concert, have a GREAT night

Okay, my sister says that putting lyrics to songs is a cheap shot for writing blogs. So here it goes. Um, not much on my list of things done today, or left to do for that matter, i did paper mache an elephant butt, that was fun, and i traced some cool things for vbs. Um, I'm freaking out because i have the biggest zit of my life, its horrible, its not really a zit, its a bug bite, but it looks hideous, um, what else, Um, I have 3 manager shifts next week, thats exciting, I'm nervous and scared, but know that it will work out good. I'm excited for Carrie's baby shower, that's gonna be awesome, and i'm a lil upset bout my mom getting married, even though she's been with this guy for quite some time, i just have to tell her i'm happy for her though. what else, um, i'm addicted to the song "Fall to Pieces" by Avril Lavigne right now, cus it just explains almost everything that i feel right now, um, not much else that i can think of. um, i still like someone who i've had a crush on for a long time, and we were supposed to hang out last night, but i had to work, we were gonna go play pool, but its okay, maybe some other time. um, not much else to say, so I'm going to leave you with this.....
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone."

jeez, i hate myself sometimes, i screw up some of the best moments, i feel like alyvia when she said "I'm a leach" (ask me later) but i mean, some of the stupid things i say sometimes should get me shot, like when i tell the person who i look to most, that nothings wrong, when i really just want to tell them the truth. But of course, i'm stupid and tell them that nothing's bothering me, and that i'm okay. when inside i just want to scream....
but on a better note, and not to offend any of my amish folks, but here we go...
"Amish Paradise"As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grainI take a look at my wife and realize she's very plainBut that's just perfect for an Amish like meYou know, I shun fancy things like electricityAt 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cowsJebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... foolAnd I've been milkin' and plowin' so long thatEven Ezekiel thinks that my mind is goneI'm a man of the land, I'm into disciplineGot a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chinBut if I finish all of my chores and you finish thineThen tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699We been spending most our livesLiving in an Amish paradiseI've churned butter once or twiceLiving in an Amish paradiseIt's hard work and sacrificeLiving in an Amish paradiseWe sell quilts at discount priceLiving in an Amish paradiseA local boy kicked me in the butt last weekI just smiled at him and turned the other cheekI really don't care, in fact I wish him well'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hellBut I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deservedAn Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard ofI never wear buttons but I got a cool hatAnd my homies all I agree I look good in black... foolIf you come to visit, you'll be bored to tearsWe haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 yearsBut we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stareWe're just technologically impairedThere's no phone, no lights, no motorcarNot a single luxuryLike Robinson CarusoIt's as primitave as can beWe been spending most our livesLiving in an Amish paradiseWe're just plain and simple guysLiving in an Amish paradiseThere's no time for sin and viceLiving in an Amish paradiseWe don't fight, we all play niceLiving in an Amish paradiseHitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butterRaised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anotherThink you're really rightous? Think you're pure in heart?Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou artI'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be likeOn my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlifeSo don't be vain and don't be whinyOr else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinieWe been spending most our livesLiving in an Amish paradiseWe're all crazy MennonitesLiving in an Amish paradiseThere's no cops or traffic lightsLiving in an Amish paradiseBut you'd probably think it bitesLiving in an Amish paradise

Okay, so the day i've been waiting for for 12 years, the day i become a SENIOR! its so awesome to know that i've gone 12 years without dropping out!, that's quite an accomplishment...well, at least for me. haha. well i'm so excited to see what the world has to offer me this summer, and the rest of my life. cool news, i get to be shift leader on saturday, meaning, i'm in charge of the store! SWEET! hahaha, ya'll come and visit me! um, had fun with my sister alicia and niece Aimee, and i'm glad susie is home. while everyone was here, we painted my house, it looks good, just a few more coats and we're good to go, well not much more to say, but hopefully soon i ACTUALLY get my puppy, i've gotten pictures and visited him, but miss him! hahaha, i'm lame. well check ya'll later, love ya

Proverbs 28:2 ~ When ther eis moral rot within a nation, its government topples easily, but when there is knowledgeable leaders, there is stability.
I. Laws of Leadership
1. Nothing happens until Someone provides leadership for it.
"Everything rises or falls on leadership"
Greatest problem: Lack of knowledge
2. Leadership is Influence
Biblical Definition: Someone with God given ability and responsibility to influence a group of God's people to accomplish God's purpose for that group.
3. The test of leadership is "Is anybody following you?"
4. The foundation of leadership is Character NOT charisma
"Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you.
Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith"
Hebrews 13:7-8

3 Characteristics of good leaders
The have a message worth Remembering
they have a lifestyle worth considering
they have a faith worth imitating
5. Leadership Can be learned
"Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and
saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you."
Philippians 4:9
6. The moment you stop Learning you stop Leading.
" Since a dull ax requires great strength, sharpen the blade. That's the
value of wisdom; it helps you succeed." Eccl. 10:10
II. Background to Nehemiha's story
Where: Jerusalem
The Problem: City walls needed rebuilding
Nehemiah's Occupation: Cup bearer to King
III. Why Did God Choose Nehemiah as a Leader?
Nehemiha was sensitive to the needs around him
Nehemiah was Dependable
" Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is doshonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. syou you have not been trustworthy in handling wordly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? and if you have not been trustworthy with someone elses property, who will give you property of your own? no servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
Luke 16 10-13
3. Nehemiah was Available
God is not looking for Ability in leaders as much as he is looking for Credibility, Dependability, and Availablity.
My prayer is that God uses me whenever, however, and that he will break my heart with the things that break his heart, to make me closer to him, and to be a leader in everything that I do, " For I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me"

um , not much has gone on since my last post, except i lost my boyfriend, a brother, and some sleep, but nothing major.... none of those do i want to talk about, so i'll talk about something cool, um, The base ball game a few nights ago was wierd, well first off, there was an entire soccer team cheering, which was awesome, but they were really loud and kinda um , nicely put, annoying. but then after, i saw shawn, who sits in front of me in history at weaver, and i saw Jordan, who sat next to me in geometry last year! um, then since i hate being at home, i went over to brett and carrie's house *thank you btw for letting me* and we watched "That Thing You Do" it was awesome, then i came home, and that was bout it. I'm pretty psyched up for VBS this year, I'm leader of the Games for the Elementary age, it's cool, but some of the things are corny, but like GIGI the Giraffe says, I have to stick my neck out for God .... *WOW* hahahahaha, i'm so roaring for that! lol. um, yea, thats about it. I'm kinda always frustrated the last few weeks, just a lot of things have been getting on my nerves, even stupid inanimate objects like cones on the road, or the mouse pad, or my alarm clock. but i'm just ready for school to be over, and i'm ready for so much stuff to be over, and for more new stuff to begin, like senior year, graduation, getting a car, and just so much more, i'm just tired of being the young one who can't do anything, or stupid stuff. I realized that almost everyone in my c/a class hates me too, cus the only time i talk is to tell them to shut up and be respectful to the sub, and what not, but whatever, i dont need for people to like me, i just wish they didnt hate me. but yea, I'm just really tired, but can't sleep, havent been able to since last saturday, yet here i am sitting on the computer, that could be why i dont sleep. lol. well since no one reads this i'm going to go CRAZY!!!! Jkeowripowajif;oau[0iewajnif;oeaof jeiowa;fuiepwaufjioe;waj fiodaufjio;dajfiepawfjieawjf iopanfh;owaeu fio;eaufioew;a jfio;auf ewi JFEIWOAU FI;OAEJ FISLUFIO;ASF UJIO jaifo;jaio;fe jao;fjia;fjeiwao;fueiawo;fjioa;sdfu doaw;fjoi; aufdaoehwfuewafjsidao yuf iauiof; jaiowe;fjkdlsafj op;nfoiaj iogf uyawilfjweio;a utgfia @!%$EW^$*&^%*J#^$#@%!$%$&*(&*(*&%^^%$@%^$#^%^&&*(*(^&^%#^$ @#%$# &^*& ) )*&* ^% @$#^%*&)_( &^* &$%#$@&^$*&^(*&^^%$ *& )( )*^%#$ ^% $* &)(*) _(_*(&^&# $% ) this is about how i feel right now! okay, i'm done, and out, if you need me i'll be in my corner

Think freely. Smile often. Tell those you love, you do. Hope. Grow. Give. Give in. Keep a promise. Laugh hard. Reach out. Let someone in. Give a hug. Slow down. See the sunrise. Listen to rain. Have faith. Enjoy. Make some mistakes. Learn from them. Explore the unknown. Take chances. Tell the truth. Date somebody completely wrong for you. Say no. spend all your cash. Fall in love. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at a stupid joke. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell a buttface how you really feel. Let someone know what they are missing. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Live life.

um, because my prom got cancelled, i just ended up going and getting my hair done anyway! lol. i'm lame. i'm not looking at the camera cus stupid people call my name then take my pic! hahaha

Ozzy,"seriously, this thing just came out of his neck, and just like....eww."... Brett "Really?, you've gotta be kiddin me!"

huh, anything interesting in there?

the blind leading the blind

the gang, Miss tere, andrew, alex, ozzy, scott, sara, brett, rebecca, anario

lets just get around this problem shall we?

sara, ozzy, and katie

ozzy killing sara so she cant move away!

"Look at that, Whos da bomb?! What now home skillet?!"
i'm gonna get smacked for these nice blackmail pics now, but its okay!

come on ozzy, show me your dance moves!

platapus lips?! i'm rockin out thinkin i'm cool!

Dont hurt me!.... PLEAZE!

The Game we never won during the famine, we got a blind, mute, fingerless, and a gimp